Friday, December 23, 2005

The Year of Breaking Free...

About this time, last year a speed post from India came visiting me in San Diego. Inside it was the application form for the Civil Services that my dad had send witout even my asking for it. He wanted me to give the exams this May by preparing for it in the US but I flatly told him I just wasnt inspired to make the effort. I guess I wasnt ready then, but most unexpectedly my destiny sure took me down that road. As 2005 slips away I am left with strong memories of a year that was undoubtedly the most eventful and possibly the best of my life. Every step of the way I trode not knowing where I was heading...when the year began I had no clear idea of my career in the long run, I continued to mingle and bond in a country I couldnt bring myself to call mine and a people I felt distant from in mindset, culture and upbringing. Last december, I looked back at 2004 and at the end made a vague but determined resolution of going in for a change of careers. I had no idea it would happen but then, but what this year taught me was the power of writing and the miracles that being honest to yourself and having the guts to play your thoughts out to the world can bring about. 2005 despite everything else...that is the little achievements, the few times I stumbled badly, happy times with my friends was all about blogging and the immense satisfaction and contentment it gave me. It taught me to be hopeful, to be patient, to believe in god...and the realization that a chance to go and follow my hearts desires would materialise.

The year started disastrously, with the desi consultant who placed me at M&H booting with my salary but fortunately the firm hired me directly for the rest of the 4 month contract. But what I would love to remember abt Jan was for a 50 movie watching spree that gave me such immense satisfaction, Feb I headed for that epic road trip from coast to coast with Bipin. In March I ended my contract, partly out of a most boring and unchallenging tasks and partly out of loneliness, at San Diego(will always remember it as among the most beautiful cities of the world) and headed for LA where my sis and many great friends waited. The job search took painfully long...ironically it was easier for me to move to Delhi from LA than from SD to LA. Realized I wasnt considered for jobs as I was thought to be an SD resident and not a local candidate(LA and SD are as far apart as TVM and Cochin!) and finally when I got the job and rejoiced, it was only to end in despair as I got fired(now I think my blogging at work had to do with it!). But in a week Universal hired and for the first time in the US I was on a roll. Challenging job, great team, good money... but that was it...I reached the end of my techie road...i reached the end of a road in the US where I came dreaming of making countless money for my future generations...it wasnt long before I realized my ambitions lay beyond making money.

I was soon approaching my 25th birthday and with that a lot of things changed within me. I couldnt continue to justify the course my life was taking...I was becoming bitter, reserved and resigned to a life in the US, the days of taking risks and following my heart seemed over. It seemed impossible I would ever get to live in Trivandrum...I was restless and nobody could relate with me. The first time I let it out was with the Seven's tag, Thats when the power of this blog on me came alive. I wrote this post on the state of our, constitution a few days later and I began wondering if I had a career worth dreaming about there. Once I cleared all those clouds of self-doubt I knew my days in America were numbered. I certainly miss a lot of America - I miss the friends I earned there and solitary drives at night in my car...but then I love the pleasures of drinking a chai on the roadside, walking side-by-side thousands of my countrymen not feeling uncomfortable of my place in society.

Finally I have hit an xmas season that bucked the trend of the last many years, 2001 had that trekking expedition and some good fun with my schoolmates, 2002 viswan came visiting me in LA, 2003 wuz even better as I visited him in Rochester and he had an unbelievable itenarary of skiing, camping, travel, two visits to Niagara and to cap the vacation,a smashing new year party at Times Square in Manhattan and last year bipin and I headed to Vikas's den in San Jose for perhaps the last time we 3 wud ever meet together. The year ahead gives me no room for resolutions...but one thing I lack is discipline and I have many weaknesses of the mind I'll fight to overcome this year. I have no idea what will happen after the mains in October assuming I make it that far...its a year that will race ahead at breakneck speed. I am already left whirring at the days zooming past me. I would be lying if i said life is easy now...there are times i wonder if this is an uphill task but there is also the curiosity of finding out where this journey will take me which spurs me on...10 years back people would have laughed if I said I would one day do well in the US or prepare for the civil services...and its also 10 years I swam with the tide never ever having the courage to take my self-belief to a higher level. I have come a long way from the introverted kid I was and I have seen many many miracles happen in my life. My parents tell me I have acquired a hero image in tvm but I know thats a mirage that could come crashing down. Well enough of my narcissm...to all you people...friends, family and blog pals wish you all a very merry christmas and a happy 2006.

14 comments:

silverine said...

Merry Christmas Jiby and wish you all success this New Year :)

MeesaMadhavan said...

Damn the sofware career. The blame lies in that. I tell you if you have a satisfying job you would have found life more fruitful. Of course you can shoot a dozen of Desi Consultants and the world is gonna be a better place

LI said...

Hi Jiby , Merry Christmas . Wish you the very best for next year and with your civil service exam preparation

Jithu said...

Man, wishing you a merry christmas and a great year ahead :-)

bips said...

Hi Jiby,

Wishing you Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year.

Kiranz..!! said...

Merry X-mas...happy b'day in advance..!!

Anonymous said...

Avery warm christmas wishes from texas and may all ur ambitions and dreams come true. U may not know me but i know u really well thru ur blogs..keep writing.

Geo said...

Jabba,

Merry Xmas and a happy new year...

Matter of Choice said...

hey jiby,

so u had a great n eventful year in 2005. i hope more exciting n fruitful things are in store for u in 2006. 2005 was when u made the risky decisions and may 2006 be the year when u wll reap the rewards

cheers
anish

Thanu said...

Hope ur C'mas was good. May the coming year be blessed in all regards.

Biju said...

I got to your blog via Arun's. No one knows what's in store for us in the future. Go where your mind tells you, do what your mind tells you and at the end of the day you will be happy.

All the best for your civil service exam.

Happy New year to you!

Praveen said...

I hope you have a great year ahead in 2006, filled with success and happiness in all ur Endeavors

Matter of Choice said...

hey jiby...

howz it going??? hope the prelim preps are going great guns..

cheers
anish

rocksea said...

hey man, wake up! you still have a lot of time. i hope to prepare for the civils once my phd is over. and i will get only 1 year and that would be my last chance.

anyways, if you need, the ncert text books compiled versions are available at my website. you can chew on them if you're still interested in civils. cheerz,,